dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we should paint friendship bongs
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