the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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