Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
