called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
