Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
