the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
