I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
