Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
