A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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