I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
