Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
