How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
