so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
