absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
