Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
