I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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