Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never underestimate the power of titties
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
