i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So squirting runs in the family.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
