If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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