Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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