so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
