Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
