At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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