Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
