oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
