hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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