His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
