I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
