I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
