We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't notice because vodka
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
