its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
