my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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