She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
