my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize