sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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