you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
