then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
