It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
