I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
