I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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