i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
