He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
