shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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