Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
