Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
