I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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