whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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