i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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