I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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