Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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