I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
